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‘Megyn Kelly Today’ is the best sh*tshow on television

If you happen to select to attend a stay present of Megyn Kelly In the present day, train warning: You might be at heightened danger of being blinded by a violently coral pink turtleneck. 

To be clear, I counted a minimum of 10 cases of coral pink on my latest journey to see Megyn Kelly In the present day, together with one aged couple in his-and-hers coral whose arms have been raised in a everlasting WHEEE place and who responded to each considered one of Kelly’s comedic “riffs” with outright delusional guffaws.

This was no accident. The peppy shade, I got here to study over the course of the present, is completely emblematic of the not too long ago rebranded Megyn Kelly and her new Hen Soup for the Sisterhood persona. Daytime Megyn is not right here in your pesky divisive politics or West Coast earth tones. 

That is the brand new Megyn. She and the quickly diminishing viewers of Megyn Kelly In the present day need to LIVE-LAUGH-LOVE goddammit, regardless of the price to your endangered cornea or her slippery profession.

The information popping out of Megyn Kelly In the present day is downright alarming — since she started internet hosting, the present has misplaced an estimated 32 percent of its audience. Kelly, whose internet price is simply too miserable for me to even Google, is costing NBC near $69 million and placing different In the present day exhibits vulnerable to being changed by one thing even crappier. 

(For completely good every day protection, try Bobby Finger’s column here.)

Stroll into the viewers’s ready room exterior the set and you will see little proof of this dysphoria. After I first arrived on the present’s Rockefeller Heart headquarters in New York Metropolis, I used to be overwhelmed by the variety of girls who have been lifeless set on seeing Kelly — who as soon as famously insisted that Santa Claus was white — LIVE. Her viewers, I realized, got here from all throughout the globe: Indiana. Witchita. Indiana. 

The room was dominated by girls, and let me inform you: They have been prepared for his or her girls’ morning out. Their hair was impeccably blow-dried. They have been thrilled to eat mini-muffins. One pal group wore matching buttons which learn, “SHE WHO DARES WINS” — a meaningless phrase I’m absolutely assured will in the future turn into a slogan for a feminist smoothie store. 

Both means, their enthusiasm at 6:45 a.m. for something that wasn’t dying was infectious. So after I walked onto the set of Megyn Kelly In the present day in my coral turtleneck bought particularly for the present with out assistance from a coupon I attempted to maintain an open thoughts. These girls have been completely happy! Perhaps I may very well be completely happy too. 

Lol, no. The very first thing I noticed after I walked onto the set of Megyn Kelly In the present day was an enormous display that includes a Harvey Weinstein pastiche, adopted by a sweet corn montage. The transition between the 2 was clearly disturbing, however I used to be much more upset when considered one of her crew disclosed to me that Megyn’s favourite sweet was Laffy Taffy.

Laffy Taffy? Has Megyn Kelly ever really eaten a sweet earlier than?

People, that is simply incorrect.  

It was, alas, refreshing to see Megyn Kelly lastly come on stage to some real applause and study the agenda for the day, which would come with a dialog about sexual assault adopted by one about soiled toothbrushes, and a particular go to from everybody’s favourite weatherman, Al Roker, there to advertise his new kids’s guide. 

I’ll say this solely as soon as: When you’ve got something damaging to say about Al Roker, you possibly can go away this story now. That man is a present to Center American tv, and when he walked onto that sleepy little stage, he stole the goddamn present. 

We laughed, we cried, we felt nervous for Megyn Kelly. 

The phase began off … not nicely. First, Kelly — a girl who makes about $23 million extra a 12 months than me — determined to disclose to the viewers that she believes in ghosts. That was comforting. Then, after they randomly confirmed a clip that includes Roker collapsing to the bottom whereas working throughout a lethal hurricane, Kelly advised a humiliating story of her personal: The day earlier than, she had walked round New York along with her costume partially unzipped within the again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hear, I’m all for braindead content material. It’s frankly my life’s work. However I’m for rubbish content material that entertains, like when Al Roker proceeded to make enjoyable of teeny sweet bars being labelled “fun-sized” when everybody is aware of that massive sweet bars are the enjoyable ones!

Admit it: That. Is. Virtually. Humorous.

Both means, the phase set the tone for the remainder of the present, which concerned Kelly desperately attempting to promote herself as a REGULAR MOM GOOFBALL, not a girl who as soon as interviewed Vladimir Putin. She made jokes about juggling. She admitted she liked chocolate! Kelly advised Isla Fisher that the lead character of her kids’s guide was “naughtier than Mary Poppins!”

Throughout a phase with Dr. Holly Phillips the place the viewers needed to reply true or false questions on micro organism (good phase), Kelly disclosed that she did not know what “getting busy” meant. She adopted that up with an much more damning reveal: She typically will get mad at girls who sprinkle whereas they tinkle.

HELL YEAH SHE DOES!

"The world is funny, isn't it?"

“The world is humorous, is not it?”

Picture: Invision/AP/REX/Shutterstock

Goofball Megyn wasn’t afraid to get critical, for transient “deep” moments in between commercials. For a phase known as “Medical Thriller,” Kelly interviewed a toddler who was recognized by therapists with with an anxiousness dysfunction, earlier than docs revealed that — da da DA — he was really affected by a  mind tumor. 

It is cool, he is good now.

There was one other phase the place she interviewed a  Brazilian feminine immigrant, Barbara Minuzzi, now making it massive as a feminine enterprise capitalist in Silicon Valley. Rags-to-venture-capitalism is about as radical as Megyn Kelly will get, and the viewers applauded her lovely neoliberal second.

To be clear: The viewers’s affection did not seem like fabricated. Sure, a couple of members of her crew appeared to take a row of seats that have been left empty as a result of not sufficient people seemingly attended. However most of that enthusiasm appeared real, even from us outdated losers relegated to the again row as a result of I suppose we weren’t coral sufficient for you, pRoDuCeRS. 

About 58 minutes in, Kelly lastly transitioned to Kathie Lee and talked about that Lee could be singing a track that when made her “cry” (this was the scheduled Megyn Kelly “human second” of the episode). Afterwards, she hung round for a couple of minutes to reply some questions from the viewers. 

One member requested a comparatively daring query: Had she ever considered dedicating an entire episode to sexual harassment?

Kelly hesitated. That type of harassment, Kelly defined, had been happening since perpetually. Girls are afraid to report and males usually keep silent for their very own causes. The people who find themselves speculated to be answerable for listening ceaselessly simply do not. Kelly, who as soon as labored as an employment lawyer, was herself harassed at FOX and could not treatment the state of affairs.  What may one tv episode actually do? 

She’d give it some thought.

It was a painfully sincere reply and a depressingly cynical one, all of sudden. Take into consideration this week. Who does not need to escape from politics — although that takes evident privilege — and exist solely within the realm of Laffy Taffy joke? Think about a world through which all miserable information may be satisfactorily digested in 90 second segments with out it being wildly socially irresponsible. Who would not to stay on this fantasy front room for a couple of hours every week? Who would not need to host this dumb present?

Megyn Kelly In the present day is a glorified Dove Business. Let me be clear: It’s a dangerous present, it’s tanking, and I can’t be unhappy when it lastly sinks for good.

Simply forgive me whereas I watch.

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